Unknown future

Dear you,

After getting promotion on 1 July 2016 and becoming a Senior Auditor, i was worried.

I try to ask myself, why i being worried about this status a lot and here i come up with some challenges i expect to meet in the next 12 months which concern me.

  • I know how its feel like to be an In-charge because i have gone through this since i was A1. The hard fact now is that, i may in charge bigger engagement and i need to deal a lot with managers and if little things go wrong, i will be blamed. It is inevitable things.
    • Solution: Have a good preparation and learn those i lack off. Be confident with my task and grab all information in my hand.
  • Another thing that concern me is that how can i make good use of my assistant. Its pretty tough to have bad assistant and it is tougher to have good ones but do not know how to direct them so that the whole team gain an efficient results.
    • Solution: If i can asked for two assistant, i will ask one for smart and one for work hard. Those smart mostly not wanting to do a repeat task, a vouching, or anything that use most of the physical strengths. A combination of both would give a synergy, but i hope i make the right decision. A long the way i know i will learn.
  • i quite insecure about my ability even though i know i am very good at technical skills. I tend to feel no confidence in things i am doing. I tend to feel management team expect higher from me. All of these things really stress me out.
    • Solutions: I can only give them the best i can give. If those will not meeting their expectations, i will also satisfy with what i have done. Another thing i learn from my failure friend is that, we cannot sit waiting for a miracle to happen, all we need to do is get up and fight.

Everyday i get up and tell myself that today is better than yesterday. Actually it doesn’t mean yesterday is a bad day for me at all, i just cannot figure it out what exactly i want in a day that i am living.

I have my plans and i keep working on it. I go and cross a calendar everyday like i really waiting for something in the future. I know something has to happen in there but i do not know for sure.

My ACCA exam result will be released on 18th July, and the result will determine my succeed in my plans.

I tend to wait for the Peak Season, this is sound so stupid. However, i just want to throw myself in that period again and see if i am making the right decision to stay. All will be revealed after the Peak Season in 2017 and i am sure i will stay until that time.

I write to you just because i do not know how and who to share my concern with. I am living in the world that exist mainly those who want to know about my weaknesses and take benefit of it. Therefore, i rarely share what i want to share. I appeal strong but i know i am weak. Who ever reading this, please advise me.

Sincerely,

Unknown future

2016- My new year resolutions

Today is the first day of the new year, I am feeling good at the moment when i heard that we will have a family gathering tonight at Hot-pot Phnom Penh Hotel before My Uncle Noo go back to Paris on 3rd.

My happiness begin and so i decide to write a new year resolutions today.

There are so many stuff i want to achieve this year including traveling, promotion, graduations and making new friends. Therefore, lets me list it down in detailed and hopefully this is the first and formal and committed resolution I have ever done.

1- At least within this year, i must be able to travel to new places. (I do plan to travel to Singapore with N, the plan is achievable for sure as we have already booked the flight tickets and the hotel). I promise after my traveling, i am going to write another story of my journey in Singapore.

2- Get promoted and become S2. I have no plan to resign at all from my current job because I still find this job so interesting and there are many things i have not learned. Though sometimes, i have to stay late at night or get up early in the morning or missing my family event or devoting my own holiday for the benefit of a team, i still love my job. Though sometimes, i have to face with many bad people, bad clients, bad team mates, i still love to deal with it. All in all, i just need to focus on what i am doing because i see the big picture.

3- Another big aim in 2016 is to finish ACCA. i still have 3 papers left (P1,P4 and P5) if i pass the two papers i took in December 2015. The result will be released on 18th jan and sure i will post my grade here again. By the way, if i wont pass that 2 papers which mean there are 5 papers left and which mean i must do whatever i can, try my very best to finish it in 2016.

4- Making new friends. I have known not so many people at all from the walks of my life. I have least best-friends but they are extremely the best people that i ever know. I do not claim for the replacement, but when i grow older i feel that networking is a need in this society. In order to have a good networking, we must learn to make friends. Friends can be anyone, anybody. The thing is, how can we make them a friend that we have what we can give for their benefits and they have what we miss out. This should let me to another point of resolution; communication.

5- Improve communication. This is always what i wish for since i was young. I hate being called- Mos Mos. I am actually improve a lot when i start working. My boss said i have good communication skill, yet i only good when it comes or relates to working. I was kind of poor in communicate with strangers, a friends. Therefore, i need to strengthen up my confidence when communicate with anybody. so 2016 will be the new beginning of the new me.

6- Keep blog updated. I have created this blog a long times ago but i do not have enough to courage to write and post and publish about my personal life. But here times come, i think privacy do not exist anymore in this information ages. You can happily read my notes, and i am happy to read yours. We share things, we give advice. I will update my blog at least once per month.

7- Improve English. After getting a job, i feel that my English become poorer. We do not use much English in working and even if we use it, it is just an English related to technical communication which i find very normal and nothing to improve. So, by this, i will plan to read at least 6 books for this new years but that would not help much so i think i will try to read news daily in English and start to write more to post in the blog about:

  • Know more about taxes in Cambodia
  • Basic Excel you should know to become a good auditor
  • My honest future plan i have always had in my head
  • How i realize school is important when i start to work
  • How technologies and social network break me and my family away
  • People that i know
  • My sister

These are all things that i can think of right now. Resolution is just a short term plan which is good but not the right way for us to live. In living, you need a goal, a real future plan which is very future. I will establish my long term goal and of course, i can’t wait to share with you all here.

Please enjoy!

Happy New year!

2015- A year full of lessons

  • January to March: After probation, I was so lucky enough to go to the engagement with an exchange In-charges from Vietnam who taught me a lot about my work.  I gained a double experience, working better and smarter than my peers. Those Vietnamese became my good friends, especially Chau who always care and the very best boss i have ever worked with.
  • April to June: I worked in one public project. It was a very nice experiences since I had got an opportunity to do the task that none of my peers had once touched. I stayed in that project for almost two months, I started to know my In-charge who used to be my performance manager. She is personally a very good and kind person, she is very organized and smart. I like her a lot, but i did doubt about what she think of me. It was a very good period as the engagement was quite near to my house and every morning my dad had a breakfast with me and dropped me off and in the evening my team and i were allowed to leave at 5:30 which is a miracle things for an Auditor like us.
  • May-June: A time when all of us need to do the performance evaluation. I chose 5 engagements which 4 were evaluated by Vietnamese. During these time, I had an argument with T, it was a pretty hard time because i also had an exam. This time argument, he ignore me for almost one month, the first time i ever felt that, he change. The time that breaking up is the only way.
  • July: We knew the result but yet things turn up-side down. The rate was first established making me feel very motivated, very satisfied, and later on, it just punched me at the face. Motivation going down to the bottom line. What is the point of working hard? However, i got promoted and my salary increased.
  • July-August: During this period, i was assigned to work at one giant bank in the country. Things were good at the first place but human ambitious made me realize that, a work place is a war place, people compete with each other to outshine one another. People can turn black to white, right to wrong, good to bad, truth to fake. This is a work place. I was never been this down before, i cried when i drove back home. Yes, at that point of time, i did feel i wanted to quit this job. Luckily, something has come into my thought, saying that if i quit, i am a loser. I need to prove those 3 people that, i am so better than what they think. i must make them recognize my work and this is not the end yet.
  • September-November: There was not much things happen, but i stared saving my money buy playing Tong-Tin with the workmates. It quite good choice because i am never good at saving. Oh, one more thing, i got a very surprise birthday preparation from my one and only sissy but i quite sad as my mum seem to not enjoy it. This is also the time that i could call T as an ex. A person does die! I move on!
  • December: Annual Party 18th, Christmas 23-25th. Two of my generations resigned. A party for the year ended is ahead. I did remembered how fresh i was when the annual party last year i was an MC. It quite embarrassing but this time MC did not do as good as the previous time of mine at all. I am not showing off! My celebration of Christmas was 3 days in a row. 23rd i went out with my workmates, NL and Nk who were the very best workmates i had at K. Nk was just like my brother, he took care of me and NL just as we are his girlfriends. NL, a selfish lady but so helpful, is the one i always love to be with. 24th i went with Tony, a friend whom i knew at ACE. he is 2 years younger than me but quite mature and love to have fun. he brought me to new pub and i thought it was like a prostitute house. 25th i went with Panters and my very best friend SD. I did feel distance from Panters yet i could not help, it is a friendship trend. SD, the real one, the innocent one, the one that has never changed.

These are all the experiences, making me a mature ones. I feel different than before, i do not care much about outside world and the eyes of others anymore. Life is too short, do not waste time pleasing the others.